Hiraeth
by intothedeep27
Summary: Instead of looking to the stars to search for what her soul longs for, Jane walks the lonely halls of the Asgardian Palace, alone. She is forgotten, remaining in the dark loneliness of her life, until one day, he comes – and unlike the prince she once thought she loved, he offers her a new life: a life she knows will be worth living. [Lokane]


**Disclaimer** : I don't own Thor/Marvel because if I did Loki and Jane would be together.

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 **Hiraeth** , n. Welsh

 _Homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, or for a home which may have never been; the grief for the lost places of your past. It may also be an intense form of longing, nostalgia, or wistfulness._

* * *

When Thor offers his hand in marriage, Jane cannot think of anything else that will make her happier. She will be the first person in human _history_ to live on a planet other than Earth, and she was to be made _royalty,_ at that.

Hah, take that, science community. They call her mad, crazy, unworthy of her Ph.D., and here she is, standing on _Asgard_.

Yet, the wonder of Asgard and its people quickly dissipate, only for it to be replaced with...sadness. Not for them, but for herself. She trains to be Queen, the first Midgardian to be married into the Royal Family, but she hears the whispers behind her back, the snickers of who she truly is.

She knows the rumors of her lover and a certain member of the Warrior Three.

So as the years go on, and as Jane gets older, she watches as her wedding date gets pushed back and back and back again, because of simple excuses – _there is Father's acceptance we must think of, darling_ or _the Vanir are under attack by Marauders again,_ and the worse one: _the Scholars tell me you are not ready yet, and Father has listened to their advice_.

...Only, the Scholars praised her for her determination, months ago.

So it is no surprise to her when the wedding is called off.

Jane simply wanders the Palace that once was her dream, and now, her prison. She hates it here, knowing that to the Asgardians, she will never be worthy, never as great as their late Queen. She is an outsider, through and through, and nothing she does will be accepted, in the long run.

She does not age – at least, at human speed. She now will age as slowly as the Asgardians, living beyond human capabilities. Her friends and family will only be small specks in the long life she is _gifted_ with.

Yet, it feels much more like a curse.

Her skin will remain smooth and youthful, her hair full and shiny, while Darcy will grow old and wrinkle, her voice softening while her hair will lose their bounce that makes her Darcy, and one day, she will die. She will pass before Jane in a blink of an eye, and there is nothing she can do to stop it.

The woman who was her best friend, her sister, her _family_ , will be no more, and Jane will still be standing, healthy, _alive_.

And Erik...she has no words for the older man who becomes her father figure when her own died when she was still human. Erik will die, always looking for her – _a girl who becomes his daughter –_ in the stars, always wondering whether she is happy in the life she chose. And he will die, knowing that she is not, because he _knows_ her, and knows the moment Jane chose to follow after Thor, she will grow to regret it.

In fact, he tells her exactly this before she leaves, and she laughs and reassures him that she is happy, and she will love the life Thor promises to give her.

Looking back to this moment, Jane regrets _everything_. She wishes she had opened her eyes, to realize that she would _never_ be satisfied with her life if she went with Thor. She wishes she could go back in time and destroy the apple that curses her to the long life she now lives. She wishes...she could do everything over. To never meet Thor in the desert, to be entranced by his eyes and of his mediocre knowledge of the universe.

But it is too late, and she is forever cursed to the life she foolishly wished for.

When decades pass and only a small wrinkle on the side of her eye indicating the amount of time that has passed, she ventures further into the palace in search of something – _anything_ – that will free her from her prison. She wishes for something that will ignite the spark of passion that once lived within her, to let her _live_ again.

Her wish is granted once more – only, it is in the form of a person.

"Miss Foster."

A name she has not heard in a millennium.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?"

And for the first time in what feels like forever, she says, "Nothing. I simply...I want company, Loki."

The man cocks an eyebrow at her as if her request was absurd – and truthfully, it really was. To seek _him_ for company, out of the hundreds that work at the Palace…"You must really be bored if you want to speak to me."

She shakes her head. "Not bored – I'm _lonely_."

 _Desperate._

Even though there is a broken woman in front of him, it is in Loki's nature to feel satisfaction at his brother's failures. It does not surprise him that Thor lost interest in his little Midgardian toy – after all, he watched his brother jump from woman to woman before his unlucky punishment on Midgard, all those hundreds of years ago.

It is petty, and he knows it will hurt, but with a smirk, he asks, "Did you _truly_ believe that you would hold my brother's attention for anything longer than a decade?"

Yet, he was not expecting the answer that leaves her mouth a second after his question. "It did not even last a decade, Loki. He's forgotten me," she says with detachment. There is no sorrow, no anger – she simply says what is, but the defeat he hears and sees in her eyes unnerve even Loki; there is no trace of the woman that once slapped him, that stood in the face of death, that held the damn _Aether,_ an infinity stone. The woman who held so much knowledge, so much _potential_ , was gone, replaced with the shell of the person she once was.

Before he says anything, she turns around and walks away, her dress trailing after her as she leaves his room – _his prison_.

After his actions during the attack on the Dark Elves, and ignoring the failure to take Odin's throne once more, he is forever imprisoned in Asgard, with all his needs met by untouchable servants, his only companions ancient texts and Heimdall. It is meant to be a show of the All Father's mercy and forgiveness, but in reality, it shows his ruthlessness and cruelty. Loki knows that this is punishment – to be trapped, forever, in a place he hates and wishes to burn to the ground.

It is a reminder of the failures of his life.

Jane returns a week later, this time a book in her hands. "Will you accompany me to the archives, Loki?" He looks up from his novel, his eyebrows once again raised in surprise. "My servant is off duty today, and the Archives holder likes to ignore me."

"I see, and you think he will listen to me? If you do recall, I am quite hated here on Asgard for my...actions, so to speak."

She sighs, revealing even more to Loki how tired she is. It takes effort, nowadays, to leave even her bed, and it has taken most of her energy to even walk to the other side of the palace where he stays. "Please, I am asking for something little. I won't bother you anymore."

Jane closes her eyes and when she receives no response, she dejectedly turns around and begins walking to the door. Her eyes are open once more but at this point, she bothers not to focus on her surroundings. Almost mechanically, she reaches for the door, but a sudden hand on her own cause her to jump. She looks up and sees green eyes looking down at her, and hidden behind the usual angry glint in Loki's eye is...pity.

Pity for her? For him?

Or for them both?

"I shall accompany you, Miss Foster, for I must return a scroll I previously borrowed."

And for the first time this year, she smiles.

Jane soon finds herself in the company of the rejected brother, whether it be when she reads a novel or when she finds herself wanting to walk around the gardens with the man. Every time she asks, she expects a painful retort of her ignorance of Thor's infidelity – _is it really infidelity though, because it has been years and years since Thor looks at her with the same fire he looks at Sif with?_ But instead, the God of Mischief simply trails next to her, his face always in a book of some sort.

"Is this how you lived, before...everything?" she asks one day as they sit on a bench. "Would you keep yourself busy with the texts?"

There is no anger in his voice when he answers of his earlier life. She hopes it is because of the long years it has been since the events of the Dark Elves and of the Aether, but she will never know when it comes to Loki. "Yes. I found myself...alone, even when I was with Thor and his Warrior Three. I simply trailed along, never quite able to fit in with those around me. I found myself at home in the texts of the Ancients, and when my...my mother was alive, she would teach me of my magic."

"...It's science, not magic," she mutters without much thought, and it takes her a second before she realizes what she says.

Loki notices too, and not wanting her to fall down into the dark hole she digs herself into, he returns with a rebuttal. "Magic and science are of the same thing."

"That is just...impossible." Fidgeting with her hands, she keeps her head down, looking at the floor, but she continues. "There's no such thing as magic, Loki – it's all science. There's a way to explain what you do with your illusions – atoms, and physics, those are what you call science."

He hears a fire in her voice that he has not heard since that day she said to him, _that was for New York,_ however long ago it was _._ The passion he hears – it ignites even something within him. "For Midgardians, it may seem like that, but on Asgard, they are one of the same things. We use simply magic for the many daily things we do, and we use science for them as well. They work as a balance, Miss Foster."

And when Jane finally looks up, Loki knows he says the right thing, because the dull brown eyes he is so used to seeing have been ignited, a slight ember shining with them as it starts a fire that will one day be uncontrollable, just like the passion she once had for the stars.

Their strange relationship continues for decades afterward, and for the first time in his long life, Loki finds himself...hopeful. Hopeful in the sense that Jane will no longer be the dull, empty shell she was, and in her stead will be a beautiful woman who used to search the stars in a fury to prove not only herself but the science she lived by.

One day...the dynamic between the duo change. It was a gradual change, one that neither of them saw coming, and so when it happens, they both are taken by surprise.

"Loki...I found something."

He is writing something and he stops at the strange tone in her voice. "What is it?" he asks, turning to her. She stands behind him in her typical attire, yet something is different. She looks rushed, her hair down in waves as the dress she wears slips off her shoulders. "...Jane?"

"A spell," Gulping, she continues. "To break yours." She holds the book that she has been searching for nearly a decade in her hands, her body jittery with nervousness. It was all she could do, after everything Loki did for her.

"... _What?_ "

She furiously nods her head as she thrusts the book into his hands, ignoring the fact that he nearly drops it. "I...I've been searching for, _God, I don't know_ , decades? I mean, the Allfather had to have used some sort of spell to keep you here in Asgard and I you once told me you could never figure out what spell he used, so I just spend all my time trying to connect the dots –"

"Jane."

"I know I might have overstepped some of your boundaries but I figured this wouldn't hurt–"

" _Jane_."

She was nervous, and she knows that she has a horrible habit of rambling, which is clearly a problem for her. "Please don't be mad–"

" _Jane!_ " Hands seize her shoulders, painfully squeezing her. "...Thank you." Gulping, she looks up and forces a smile on her face. "I…" He breaks eye contact first by looking down and her first thoughts are that he was angry, but the smile she sees on his face keep her from running out the door. Then, the unbelievable happens: when he looks back up, the green in his eyes are shining with tears as they threaten to overflow. " _Thank you so much_."

And without thought, he gently places his hands against the sides of her face and pulls her into a kiss.

It is a simple kiss, his lips, surprisingly warm, against her shocked cold ones. When he pulls away, he revels in the blush that threatens to burst from her face as she remains frozen against him.

It doesn't last, though, because this time, she is the one who pulls him into a kiss. With a feverish impatience, she grabs his shoulders and kisses him – this time, with so much heat that they both burn. As they both succumb to their wants and needs, to the loneliness that once threatened them both, they find themselves healed with each others presence. They know only each other in these moments, of the mischievous twinkle in Loki's eyes and the warmth of Jane's breath. As his kisses trail down her body, Jane's skin burns with passion as a heat grows within her, and as she bites Loki's earlobe, he groans as he matches her hunger with his own, taking them both over the edge.

They both release to the stars their dreams and their wishes, hoping that one day, they come true.

Hours later, Loki traces shapes onto Jane's bare shoulder as they both lie awake in his bed. Sleepily looking at him, Jane gently places a hand on his jaw. He takes her hand into his own before kissing her palm, his eyes never leaving hers, and with this action, she feels tears build up in her eyes – and it does not take long for the dam within her to break, to rush out all the emotions that she has held onto for the long _long_ years she has been alone.

But the tears – they are not of sadness, of her once unhappy life. The tears are of joy and the feeling of being wanted, of being... _human_. She has forgotten her roots, of who she truly is. She tries for so long to be who everyone wanted her to be, that she forgot that to be _her_ , she needed to be human, to be the Midgardian that everyone hated.

She needed to be _Jane Foster_.

The tears she shed now are for the Jane that lost her way, that forgot who she was. It is for the love she once had for the current King of Asgard – _for the Thor she met in Arizona_ – and for the simple fact that she is...happy.

She feels whole with Loki, and being in his arms couldn't be more right.

* * *

Decades will pass, and Jane will seem the same, almost immortal, and she does the one thing she promised herself when she was just a young child. Loki remains by her side, his mischievous ways never letting life get dull. He stays his petty self, and frequently his personality clashes with hers, yet it never breaks their relationship. They fight and they fight, but they love and love in return.

They travel galaxies, from planet to planet, and life is good to them both.

And so, hand in hand, Loki and Jane roam the Universe in search of its wonders, living amongst the stars, and she whispers to a young girl with curly brown hair, and large wire-frame glasses who is hopelessly in love with the stars, _"Your struggles will all be worth it in the end."_

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 **End**

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 **A/N** : _I hope you enjoyed this short one-shot! I've been wanting to write Lokane for quite some time and I have a few more drafts in my folder, but this was the one that really called out to me._ _Please leave a **review** and a **follow/fav.** I'll be writing a lot more for Lokane in the future!_


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